September,
As the gentle shift in air grows daily, I'm reminded of how much I love September. I love it so much that when I reflect on major changes, for the better in my life, most of them happened in September. September is when I joined my first Real Estate office shortly after high school. September is when I got my first apartment. September is when I moved to New York City 12 years ago and met people and friendships that I had dreamed of. September is when our family moved from the East Coast to Colorado and September is when I'll be headed back to New York to pursue another dream of mine.
I wonder if each of us has a time of year that inspires us? My sister made major changes in her life around Christmas: Got married around Christmas, bought her first house around Christmas and her second house if I remember correctly.
I can't wait to head back in doors for warmth, reflection, snuggling, blankets, writing, reading, warm food and drink and an excuse to be still and listen to what my dreams and heart are beating for.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Go with your gut
Medium:
When I first joined a Meditation/Intuitive development group I was terrified. "What if I'm not. What if I don't do a good job. What if I can't do it on command." I told our host and mentor Debra that I would just quietly watch during my first attendance. As I sat among 15 people I didn't think that I belonged there. I sat next to a dark haired woman named Sarina. She was friendly and spoke to me as we were preparing to begin. The time came for us to break into groups and "read" each other. The only thing I wanted to break into was a sweat. There were four of us including Sarina. I felt calm in her presence. Although I told myself that I would not participate only observe, I found that I couldn't keep my mouth shut. It was my first stranger validation. I couldn't stop myself. I was telling people what order of siblings they were and what their relationships were like with their loved ones. Sarina kept encouraging me and I kept reading and talking. I left high as a kite that night. It was my first intentional personal validation of my Psychic abilities.
As the months went by I felt a deep connection to Sarina. My mind and heart were blown when she did not attend our group for reasons that weren't my business. I stayed connected to her through coffee's and lunches. Though I was encouraged to befriend different woman in the group, I stayed close to Sarnia.
Weeks ago the Bella Sparks magazine was having it's annual Kristy's Big Night out fundraiser. It's in honor of the loss of Donna and Bob's beloved daughter Kristy that crossed over due to a car accident. The proceeds go to women in need. Sarina asked if I could help out and donate my time "reading" for the attendees. I said "no." The thought of being among a ton of people in line looking at me scared me to death. Sarina in her direct but gentle way asked again, "it's for a great cause and you'll have fun," she persisted. "Ok, I'll do it," I said amused at her ability to say the right thing to motivate me.
I snuck into the Hilton Hotel that warm Friday night. I asked for our colleague Bobby so she could tell me where to sit and how it all worked. Sarina marched up to me and told me to sit with her and share the table. I sat down and a line formed. I felt alive and fulfilled as I sat with each client. The information was not crystal clear as it can be when I'm alone with someone. But the beautiful spirits that sat before me were patient and smiled lovingly. 10:30pm rolled around and Sarina, my hero again, told the line waiting to see me that due to the time, I would not be taking another client. People gave me the warmest smile as they took my business card and scattered. I was humbled. Humbled at the level of love that I felt from everyone that attended and humbled at the joy I feel doing the thing I love. And again, I would not have had the experience at all if it wasn't for my buddy - Sarina.
No matter what happens to reationships around you, if you love someone just because you do, honor it. You never know the amazing places it will take you.
When I first joined a Meditation/Intuitive development group I was terrified. "What if I'm not. What if I don't do a good job. What if I can't do it on command." I told our host and mentor Debra that I would just quietly watch during my first attendance. As I sat among 15 people I didn't think that I belonged there. I sat next to a dark haired woman named Sarina. She was friendly and spoke to me as we were preparing to begin. The time came for us to break into groups and "read" each other. The only thing I wanted to break into was a sweat. There were four of us including Sarina. I felt calm in her presence. Although I told myself that I would not participate only observe, I found that I couldn't keep my mouth shut. It was my first stranger validation. I couldn't stop myself. I was telling people what order of siblings they were and what their relationships were like with their loved ones. Sarina kept encouraging me and I kept reading and talking. I left high as a kite that night. It was my first intentional personal validation of my Psychic abilities.
As the months went by I felt a deep connection to Sarina. My mind and heart were blown when she did not attend our group for reasons that weren't my business. I stayed connected to her through coffee's and lunches. Though I was encouraged to befriend different woman in the group, I stayed close to Sarnia.
Weeks ago the Bella Sparks magazine was having it's annual Kristy's Big Night out fundraiser. It's in honor of the loss of Donna and Bob's beloved daughter Kristy that crossed over due to a car accident. The proceeds go to women in need. Sarina asked if I could help out and donate my time "reading" for the attendees. I said "no." The thought of being among a ton of people in line looking at me scared me to death. Sarina in her direct but gentle way asked again, "it's for a great cause and you'll have fun," she persisted. "Ok, I'll do it," I said amused at her ability to say the right thing to motivate me.
I snuck into the Hilton Hotel that warm Friday night. I asked for our colleague Bobby so she could tell me where to sit and how it all worked. Sarina marched up to me and told me to sit with her and share the table. I sat down and a line formed. I felt alive and fulfilled as I sat with each client. The information was not crystal clear as it can be when I'm alone with someone. But the beautiful spirits that sat before me were patient and smiled lovingly. 10:30pm rolled around and Sarina, my hero again, told the line waiting to see me that due to the time, I would not be taking another client. People gave me the warmest smile as they took my business card and scattered. I was humbled. Humbled at the level of love that I felt from everyone that attended and humbled at the joy I feel doing the thing I love. And again, I would not have had the experience at all if it wasn't for my buddy - Sarina.
No matter what happens to reationships around you, if you love someone just because you do, honor it. You never know the amazing places it will take you.
Monday, August 1, 2011
X,Y,Z and other things
After three years of figuring out what sort of physical home suites me (i.e. lifting, running, light weights, heavy weights) I believe I'm on to something. When I was single I starved and ran. I did toning and a 3lb weight video daily. For years I maintained 130 lbs. When I met my husband we bonded over meals out as most new couples do. After I had my daughter I got back to eating less and running more and was able to lose most of my baby weight. As we moved to New England I realized that I couldn't starve and carry my baby every where. I was used to coming close to passing out in daily life, and it wasn't ok to be in that state with a baby in my care.
I began the never ending journey of studying nutrition and various diets. It took years of reflection to accept that I was not fed growing up. There may have been cereal in the morning and if my mom had spare change in her purse that would have been spent on a small pack of m&m's. I don't have any memory of dinners at the table unless it was a special occasion. If I was at my grandmother's all meals would be laid before me and I would gobble them up. Even the frozen brown bread and dry milk. The lack of appreciation and gratitude for good food in my early years created an eating disorder in me that I'm still coming to terms with. I spent many years eating a bowl of cereal three times a day. I was terribly thin and the memory's around that time was that everyone told me how beautiful I looked. Since I've had my second child I realize the reason I'm refusing to get lower then my size 10's is because when I was in my size 6 and 8 pants I was so unhappy. I was starved both body and mind. My spirit was in deep pain and lonely. Now that I have everything I've ever wanted, I have to push my mind and heart to create a new experience around being small and healthy. I can get into my size 6 pants, but I will have to redefine what that feels and looks like.
My raw food passion helps and keeps me healthy. I started lifting heavy weights three years ago because my husband told me I should. Though I love the strength, I hate the bulk. I bought P90X and quit the gym in May. I made good weight loss gains with the P90X program but I was terrified to use heavy weights or bands for fear that I would build more muscle and the eating program is just like a body building plan: milk and meat. Finally, the answer to my hopes appeared. I came across the Tracy Anderson program and ordered it last week. So far the dance cardio is fun and the muscle structure video hurts like hell. But it's designed to thin out and tighten the body. The eating program is very Raw Foodish in that the first week you use raw food and blend it or juice it. It's day four on the 90 day program for me and I feel sore and irritated. The irritation shows me how I've used food or coffee to numb my irritation that I feel in other area's of my life. I am fully participating in this program like I've never done before. I've taken the pictures, I've got on the scale and I have the courage to look at my feelings when they come up no matter how inconvenient.
I'm also staying more committed to the things that bring me joy out side of being a mommy. I've been writing and taking vocal coaching. I joined the Colorado Writers Association am taking a four week writing class. Steven Kings "On Writing" book is our guide and it's been fulfilling to being among other writers. Their stories and opinions fill my spirit and when I leave them I feel my tank has been filled. In my singing field I began vocal coaching from an amazing teacher named Cynthia. She is like no one I've met before and in three sessions I've noticed a huge difference in my technique.
I began the never ending journey of studying nutrition and various diets. It took years of reflection to accept that I was not fed growing up. There may have been cereal in the morning and if my mom had spare change in her purse that would have been spent on a small pack of m&m's. I don't have any memory of dinners at the table unless it was a special occasion. If I was at my grandmother's all meals would be laid before me and I would gobble them up. Even the frozen brown bread and dry milk. The lack of appreciation and gratitude for good food in my early years created an eating disorder in me that I'm still coming to terms with. I spent many years eating a bowl of cereal three times a day. I was terribly thin and the memory's around that time was that everyone told me how beautiful I looked. Since I've had my second child I realize the reason I'm refusing to get lower then my size 10's is because when I was in my size 6 and 8 pants I was so unhappy. I was starved both body and mind. My spirit was in deep pain and lonely. Now that I have everything I've ever wanted, I have to push my mind and heart to create a new experience around being small and healthy. I can get into my size 6 pants, but I will have to redefine what that feels and looks like.
My raw food passion helps and keeps me healthy. I started lifting heavy weights three years ago because my husband told me I should. Though I love the strength, I hate the bulk. I bought P90X and quit the gym in May. I made good weight loss gains with the P90X program but I was terrified to use heavy weights or bands for fear that I would build more muscle and the eating program is just like a body building plan: milk and meat. Finally, the answer to my hopes appeared. I came across the Tracy Anderson program and ordered it last week. So far the dance cardio is fun and the muscle structure video hurts like hell. But it's designed to thin out and tighten the body. The eating program is very Raw Foodish in that the first week you use raw food and blend it or juice it. It's day four on the 90 day program for me and I feel sore and irritated. The irritation shows me how I've used food or coffee to numb my irritation that I feel in other area's of my life. I am fully participating in this program like I've never done before. I've taken the pictures, I've got on the scale and I have the courage to look at my feelings when they come up no matter how inconvenient.
I'm also staying more committed to the things that bring me joy out side of being a mommy. I've been writing and taking vocal coaching. I joined the Colorado Writers Association am taking a four week writing class. Steven Kings "On Writing" book is our guide and it's been fulfilling to being among other writers. Their stories and opinions fill my spirit and when I leave them I feel my tank has been filled. In my singing field I began vocal coaching from an amazing teacher named Cynthia. She is like no one I've met before and in three sessions I've noticed a huge difference in my technique.
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