Authentic from here

By myself:
I have been very happy in my Raw Food practice.  As I said before I've gone less Gourmet and more Living foods i.e. Wheat grass, green juice, energy soup and salads and though I've been happy in that aspect of my life, changes are going on from within on an emotional level.  I feel my life slamming me into Authentichood more then ever and even on the slightest action or words of non-authenticity, I feel the back lash of my body and my mood.  Spirit yells, "why are you doing that, why are you saying that.!"  I've been lifting heavy and hard weights for over two years now.  I adore the strenght that my body posses now, but I don't love the area's that it asks me to give up i.e. Running.  For the last few years as I lift and run, every time I over do it I get run down or sick.  For months now I've been doing really good on getting the Raw in and I still get run down.  So I ask myself, "why am I truely lifting?" Yes, I do enjoy it but I wonder if it speaks to my thoughts of  being wonder woman - lifter and mover of all things."  When I was pregnant it was running that I most fantacized about - not lifting 20lbs over my head.  I do enjoy Yoga and have tried to do less lifting more yoga and I still find myself, "am I doing this because I have too or because I want to?"  I've come to see that if I'm asking myself "why," it's my sign that it's not authentic for me and my spirit.  Do I still think that I should lift weights and do Yoga - yes; but not with the same intensity that I run, clean house, play with my kids and tone in other fun ways.  I've been referencing one time, one year in my life that every single thing that I did was so totally authentic that I remember nothing but complete power and pride in who I was.  My 12th grade year. Yes I went to school and yes I had a job I didn't care for, but I never once asked myself, "why am I listening to this music, why am I wearing this, am I talking to EVERYONE?"  When we leave home and school it seems like we immediately put on some sort of mask or begin that painful journey into external acceptance rather then that internal dial of spirit.  I went right into Real Estate at 18.  I was actually pretty darn good at it because I was doing something that I loved, but I dressed "grow up," and I had a single mission to not have my age found out. And as I look back, that was the beginning of Pretending.  So I find myself trying to get back to myself in a very deep way and as I ask the questions "why," I gratiously remember that girl that walked so tall and spoke so directly and loved her life, music, clothing and dreams.  And I've come to know in the last few years that being who you are gives everyone else the permission to be who they are and we can all be much more life filled.  I admire women that live their selves couragously and seemingly fearlessly no matter what their steak in life is - if I feel the truth - I just revel in their beings. As a Medium I know there is so much more to illness and death and no matter what you eat, it's not the only reason that we cross over.  But I like putting premium fuel in the only veichal that I'll ever have in this life. And with that, nurture my ancient spirit and let itself annimate its own truth, it's own purpose and you can love me or hate me, but at least you will know me...Humm, I like that, I think I just came up with it, "you can love me or hate me, but at least you'll know me....Isn't that what we long for the most, being known, being seen and seeing that in others.  That's what I love about death - when people are faced with it their most authentic selves come forward and people sometimes meet for the first time people that they've known forever.